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Shenley Road, Woodhall Farm, Hemel Hempstead, Herts. HP2 7JZ
Tel: 01442 253189 | Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

1 minute reading time (155 words)

Miss Mustafa's class, please peer assess this piece of writing.

Hello children,

I have received this piece of writing from a pupil who wants help to improve it.

Can you give them any ideas?

One day I was walking home across the park I saw something in front of me. I did not know what it was. It seemed to be some sort of animal. I decided to keep walking passed it with my head down. As I walked directly passed my foot accidently hit the beast and it let out a long growl. I looked down and the beast started to get up. It was clearly in a bad mood because I woken it from its slumber. It looked me straight in the eyes. It was a Minotaur!

Let me know what advice you have to give the writer to improve this paragraph.

(Tip - be as polite and diplomatic as you can be when you respond.)

Thanks for your help!

Mr Heskin :)

Mr Heskin's Class Writing Blog 2018
Mr Heskin's class, please peer assess this piece o...
 

Comments 3

Guest - Keelan Barrett on Wednesday, 23 March 2016 14:55

maybe you can change walking with strolling

maybe you can change walking with strolling
Guest - DANIEL on Wednesday, 23 March 2016 15:00

This was a good piece of writing try and use commas instead of loads of full stops!!!!!!!!

This was a good piece of writing try and use commas instead of loads of full stops!!!!!!!!:):p
Guest - ARCHIE on Wednesday, 23 March 2016 15:06

This is a good try why not try to use a simile?
E.g.as i was walking as slow as slug

This is a good try why not try to use a simile? E.g.as i was walking as slow as slug
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Thursday, 20 September 2018

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Shenley Road,
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Hemel Hempstead,
Hertfordshire.
HP2 7JZ
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01442 253189
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